So here we are, the long awaited (i.e. completely non awaited), first post from the new daddy. It's been four weeks since the new caddie/CEO has arrived and I have just mustered up enough saved sleep to jump into this (fyi, if you just read that last sentence you must have been one of the first few readers before my wife read this and immediately made me delete it since she breastfeeds and lets me sleep for the most part, thus making her infinitely more tired. But I digress). The last four weeks have been great. We are, however, still on the CEO's timetable. For instance, yesterday the CEO sent out a memo saying that no one will be sitting for the majority of the day, there will be much walking and swaying and a breast will be put in her face every hour on the hour. During one of my walking/swaying shifts, I made the critical mistake of reaching for something to eat out of the fridge. I was immediately reprimanded by the CEO with a solid ten minutes of crying. Imagining how this situation is going to be when my wife goes back to work frightened the crap out of me. Like, I better get on an all smoothie diet or I'm going to end up Angelina Jolie at the Oscars skinny. So this needed to get figured out, now. That's where I got my first "great" idea. My variation of the beer helmet. I got this idea where everyone gets great ideas: ridiculous college drinking gear obviously. How could no one have thought of this before (other than the fact that its stupid and has no real practical use)? The idea is simple: Just take a beer helmet, and adjust to your liking. Mine? Coffee on one side, milk on the other, and a bowl of Count Chocula in a bowl right on top. Breakfast of champions and a happy caddie in my arms. I think they should come in baby sizes as well now that I think about it. Just with tiny little nipples on the end of the straw. Genius.
I can't believe you tried to eat something! What were you thinking?
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