SportsCenter on ESPN used to have a daily segment called Did You Know. Just a daily random and obscure factoid related to a daily sports story. I was thinking about this during my first week of actually being home alone with the CEO. During 4 short days I compiled a pretty good list of things that I either didn't know or expect out of myself or any one else for that matter. Some of them are pretty amazing. So here they are, in no particular order....
Did you know....
That I can eat a meal, from start to finish in under 56 seconds. That includes a sandwich, chips and a drink. I think my record is 42 seconds. This should definitely be a category of competitive eating. Think about it. Five guys standing 10 feet from a generic kitchen, the horn blows and they charge towards the fridge where they rip out the ham and slam down 8 oz. of grape juice right from the carton. Then dart over to the counter where as they shove potato chips in their mouths while making a dry ham sandwich and devouring it. All in under 1 minute or a baby poops on you. OK, I made that last part up. A side note after week 2: There is no such thing as a sandwich anymore, no time. It's just meat and cheese rolled up and dipped into a jar of mayo. Bread is just too time consuming. Moving on.
Did you know...
That while caring for a child you really don't need to eat at all. One day last week I went from 7am-8pm and the only thing that I put in my body was 4 hard boiled egg whites, a slice of american cheese, and a cup of tea. Its the new celebrity 150 calorie a day diet. On that pace I should either be dead or 20 lbs lighter in the next couple of weeks so I've got that going for me.... Maybe.
Did you know...
5 minutes = 90 minutes of pre vs post baby uninterrupted sleep time. One morning last week (I couldn't tell you which one because the only days that I know what day it is would be the weekend because Mom is home) I would have committed acts of treason, clubbed a baby seal or cut off one of my fingers for just FIVE minutes more of sleep. It's like we live in a alternate universe where the five minutes of sleep completely rejuvenates you. Another thing with sleep, in two short weeks I have developed the special ability to be able to nap on cue and in any position. I'm almost certain at this point I could drive to the grocery store, grab a few necessities, drive back home and be completely asleep the whole time. Before anyone calls child services, relax, I would try it at least twice without the baby in the car.
And finally, Did you know...
I'm an idiot. Before Mom went back to work I was like "This will be great. When the CEO naps, I'll be able to work out and try and lose some of this gut I have accumulated." That previous sentence had been confirmed to be the dumbest thing ever said by a human being, ever. There is no working out, there is no exercise while she naps. The second she naps I dive into my bed like Scrooge McDuck dives into his gold coin pool in "Duck Tales" . In that same respect, I do always try to clean the house. The morning is great, I can straighten the kitchen, do the dishes, pick up the living room a little. (We don't talk about the second floor of our house, it might as well be an attic where we store things like beds, sleeping humans and a toilet. No biggie.) That being said, no matter how "clean" I can get things, it always looks like a Babies R Us threw up in the living room by 3:30 p.m. It looks like I run a freaking day care. She is 14 pounds for Christ's sake, how can she make this much of a mess? By the way, I know it gets worse, just had to get it off my chest.
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