Daddy and His New Caddie Day 1 :The Empire Strikes Back

Well, today was Day 1. For all intents and purposes, the fact that I can even type at all on a keyboard without passing out or throwing the laptop out the window is a win. I didn't know how to approach today so I chose the little league approach. For those who have never played little league, let me explain. The first time you ever play in a little league game you are soooo excited that you sleep in your uniform. Baseball pants, jersey, socks and everything. I'm pretty sure I did this for every team through college (the ladies didn't seem to like that in college, I don't know why, the metal cleats maybe?). So last night before bed I went with the same approach. Right before bed I thought, "What can I sleep in, wake up in, walk around the neighborhood in, go to Dunkin' Donuts in, go to the gym in, shower in, and put back on?"  I was going to be ready for anything. This outfit, for anyone that doesn't know me, is obviously a pair of Nike shorts and a grey T-shirt (Yep, that's me.)

The big issue with the CEO was if she was going to take the bottle. This was the only real problem she had up until now and I.was.ready. Nothing was going to phase me, we were going to make this bottle thing work, even if it took days. I would have a warm bottle ready for when we got up. She would be happily breastfed and full when her mom brought her to me and left, and I would be ready for the worst. A day full of the CEO partially eating and crying herself to sleep. Trying to keep my sanity. Trying not to let her see me sweat.  This is where she threw the curve ball. This is where the empire struck back.

I woke up on cue, was handed a breastfed and happy CEO and I was ready for battle. Then it happened. A nice breakfast for me, some "not" tummy time for the CEO, a stroll around the neighborhood and then, just as casual as can be, 2.5 ounces of nice warm breast milk out of the bottle. WHERE DID THAT COME FROM!!????! No tears! No screams! Sweet! Now we have a baby that will take the bottle! This will be perfect, just a little naptime so Dad can recharge... Just a quick nap?... Five minutes?... Anything?...Bueller?... Uh oh. That's when I saw that the CEO had recently sent out a company wide memo. It was like one of those song playing greeting cards and when you opened it, this was the song. I've attached the letter...

Employees,

I would like to inform all of you that nap time will be suspended until further notice. For those of you who might be confused, the following actions will fall under the category of naps. Sleeping in my swing, co-sleeper, crib, car seat, or pack and play. I will also not sleep after eating and under no circumstances will I be allowed to be rocked or swung to sleep in anyone's arms. The term anyone includes but is not limited to Mom, Dad, Nana, Grandpa, Grandma or Pops. Thank you for your anticipated cooperation in this matter.

                                                                     Sincerely,

          Molly B. Griffin

          CEO Griffin Household

A couple things. A. She needs some letterhead. B. I really should have thought harder about marrying a lawyer. C. Well-written for an 11 week old. D. WAIT! Did she just say she wasn't sleeping?!? Like, EVER? Ahh yeah. So that's how she is going to roll on Week 1. Maybe she will nap before we are up to our waists in trash, laundry, dishes and dust bunnies. You never know. There is one up side though. Today I ate 4 hard boiled eggs, a cup of broccoli, and a half a chicken breast from 7AM-6PM so at that rate I'll drop 50 lbs in 4 weeks. On second thought, maybe that is her plan? She must be using me as her test dummy for her new celebrity mom/dad diet plan that we will one day get Oprah to try and make millions. I'll keep you posted.