"Tummy Time Tirade"

I really don't plan on this being a "raving every time I write" blog, I promise. What's that? You think we need one more? You think we need one more... Alright we'll do one more.  I'm going to tackle something that will cost me the better part of my tongue if it keeps up.  I will start at the only prudent place to start, by apologizing to the very people I'm about to flip out on in the next two paragraphs. I know I am far from a child care professional. Shocking, seeing I have only been caring for a child for 10 weeks, I know. There is plenty of advice we've received from the pros that has been totally awesome about breastfeeding, bottle feeding, talking to the baby, reading to the baby, or how you're not allowed to give the baby Ambien if she hasn't napped in awhile (how do you think I have time to write these...). But there is one piece of incessant advice I just can't stand. It is a term that has come to haunt me in these 10 short weeks... "Tummy Time". It took me three tries just to type those two words because I shivered every time I tried, so from here on our we'll just call it TT. 

In the two short months the caddie has been around, I've heard about how absolutely essential quality "TT" is no less than 129387128973237129 times. And I've had more than one of my parent friends be made to feel terrible (like tears terrible) that their kid isn't getting enough TT. Essential huh? Now I like to think that I am a good parent. By that I mean I will try everything and anything for my daughter to be smart, stop crying, and be as happy as she can be. I mean anything. We've heard it from every professional out there, "Make sure you get in plenty of TT," "You really need more TT," "You're doing plenty of TT every day right?" Really? Something with a totally ridiculous name like "tummy time" is that important? They make it seem like if we don't give her TT all the time she'll grow up to be like this. Question for all the TT-pushers: Have you ever seen a first grader who can't sit up due to lack of TT? Ever seen a 10 year old with a doctor's note saying they can lay in a beanbag at school because they didn't get enough TT?  The kid is going to be okay. My mother had never even heard of TT, let alone forced it on me every day of my infancy and I walked at 10 months old and look where it got me. I'm no Olympic athlete, I bartend, write a blog, watch an inordinate number of hours of sports television and, well, that is about it. My parents "joke" (i.e. not joking at all) that when my sister came along they never let her feet touch the ground because frankly, two mobile kids under the age of 4 is the SCARIEST THOUGHT EVER for a stay at home parent.  My little sister is smart, excelled in athletics and she was raised under the "no rush, she walks when she walks" approach (My philosophy by the way). And neither of us got the recommended dosage of TT. As long as you're not sitting your kid in a seat for 12 hours a day and you actually play and interact with them, they will be normal, happy and healthy.  Forcing TT on the CEO isn't going to get her anywhere any faster and will just make her (and therefore, me) super pissed off.

Lastly, and I saved the best for last, here is the thing that gets to me the most about the TT push. Supposedly, TT is sooo important because the baby's neck and back muscles need it to to be strong and blah blah blah. And with this comes the follow-up advice of  "It's ok if the baby cries when you do TT, let them cry a little before you pick them up, it's OK" (which is pretty much counter to every other piece of infant parenting advice out there for other situations). Without getting in to the argument for or against letting my baby girl cry with her face into the floor, I just want to say this: How about you all go home, lie on your stomach on the living room floor, hold yourself up with your arms and watch an hour of TV. I wouldn't last 10 minutes. It's like planking for infants. And if you have never been in plank position give it a try for one minute.. I'll wait... Sucks huh? Planking: The Adult TT. It is the worst. And while I will continue to put the CEO on her stomach to change things up, I'm not going to feel like a bad parent when I pick her up when she goes from laughing, happy baby to demon baby on fire after thirty seconds of TT. 

So in conclusion to my rambling tirade against TT, unless I see a 10 minute iPhone video of you watching TV on your stomach in your living room you can take your TT advice and shove right up.....Oops the CEO woke up, and it's baseball season, so Dad and the caddie have some sports radio to listen to.